My Fictional Dinner Party Guest List

If I could throw a dinner party with anyone, dead, alive, or fictional, you better believe I’m picking fictional. Here’s who’s getting an invite to my chaotic, possibly life-threatening literary feast:

The Mad Hatter (Alice in Wonderland) – Every party needs a wildcard, and this one comes with tea, riddles, and the energy of someone who’s had 37 espressos in a row.

Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray) — Gorgeous. Perfect. Brings a mirror and keeps checking if he’s still hot. He is. He’s also 100% here for the drama and the red wine.

Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby) — Gatsby doesn’t attend parties—he is the party and perhaps he can bring the champagne.

Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice) — Quick with a witty comeback. You need someone who can carry the conversation and destroy a man’s ego in four words or less.

Jo March (Little Women) — Will absolutely interrupt the meal to deliver a passionate speech about feminism, then apologize and pass the bread. Writes a short story about the dinner while still at the dinner.

Clarissa Dalloway (Mrs. Dalloway) — Insists on hosting even though it’s not her house. Worries about the flowers, the lighting, and the existential weight of human connection, all before anyone’s touched a canapé.

Becky Sharp (Vanity Fair) — Will compliment your shoes, steal your silverware, and leave you unsure whether you love her or fear her. Either way, she owns the dinner party by the end of the night.

Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie’s detective) — Refuses to eat until he’s investigated where each ingredient came from. Solves a mystery no one knew existed: who double-dipped in the hummus. It was Gatsby.

Jeeves (Jeeves & Wooster) — Not technically invited as a guest, he just showed up to keep things from falling apart. Fixes the oven mid-meal, smooths over four social disasters, and leaves without a wrinkle in his suit.

Peter Pan (Peter Pan) — You invited Peter. You get Peter plus every single Lost Boy, a fairy with attitude, and probably a crocodile lurking near the punch bowl. It’s loud. It’s weird. Just try dodging the butter knife sword fight.

Nanny Ogg (Discworld) — Fun grandma energy. Tells wild stories, laughs loudly, and probably sneaks something boozy into the punch.